Accusing the second half of a musical as being worse than the first is such a cliché that The Producers could satirize the sentiment with one of my favorite jokes in the show.

Roger De Bris’ response to the historically-accurate fate of the Nazis in the first draft of Springtime for Hitler: A Gay Romp with Adolf and Eva at Berchtesgaden: 

“Of course that whole second act has to be rewritten. They’re losing the war? Excuse me! It’s too downbeat!” 

When I was but a wee lad, I laughed at the sheer offensiveness of Roger Elizabeth De Bris offering this note for…a musical about Nazis. 

But in my older age, I’ve realized that Mel Brooks was spoofing — through the most extreme example possible — how often you’ll hear theater people say that the way to solve a problematic show is by…rewriting the second act.

Anyways, the quote — and other relevant reasons — are a perfect segue into Wicked: For Good, which embodies this phenomenon in movie form. 

And yet, the second act is usually not to blame. Rather, we just don’t realize until the second half that the art doesn’t have enough to sustain its whole runtime, which retroactively incriminates the first act equally. 

And given the fact that Wicked’s second half has always been considered worse — the vast majority of the score’s top songs reside in Act One? — deciding to devote an ENTIRE movie to the lesser half may have seemed like an opportunity to improve it. 

Which is where the adaptation stumbles over another hurdle:

More of the same is the death of art.

Quentin Tarantino originally envisioned Kill Bill as one movie, yet he still understood the necessity of sufficiently differentiating its two halves. 

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So Wicked spinoffs are next.

Meanwhile, the new owners of Warner Brothers could fund the loudest hello ever with a big-budget remake of the original The Wizard of Oz.

And then sequels.

And then animated versions.

And then animated versions of the Wickeds.

And then I walk in the Hudson.

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As for Wicked at a Univeral Studios theme park…

The entrance to Oz Land could be a superficial version of Dorothy’s house in Kansas. You walk through the front door, and an Epic-style portal that simulates the tornado spits you out in Munchkinland, which is connected to The Emerald City along a Yellow Brick Road.

And maybe Shiz is included, too?

And then the main ride is probably on a broomstick?