When Jimmy Kimmel’s obnoxious shtick walked into a movie theater with a cadre of Oscars attendees at last night’s Academy Awards ceremony, he remarked on the pungent smell of weed wafting from the audience.
Maybe it was yet another of the evening’s excessive barrage of throwaway jokes, but it actually does conform to a phenomenon — trend? — I’ve experienced of late; on three separate occasions, someone in a theater has straight lit up a joint during a movie, usually near the end.
First off, I swear it wasn’t me. As much as I’d love to be, I ain’t that reckless.
Secondly, I can’t say for sure if they were smoking glass or paper; I never actually see the offender. The stench of burning weed is just a dead giveaway, which is why I’m sure it’s not a vape (trust me, I know the difference).
But finally, my favorite part — besides the fact that I obviously condone all smoking anywhere — is that the other people in the theater DIDN’T GIVE A FUUUUUUUUUU. They clearly registered the scent — as evidenced by the audible murmurs/scoffs/laughs to themselves/each other — before shrugging it off and returning their attention to the movie, as if nothing out of the ordinary just happened. Gotta love New Yorkers.
This, while one time in San Diego I was almost arrested for literally doing nothing.
You see, I tend to loosen my belt before taking my seat in a theater to avoid flab uncomfortably hanging over my waistband while sitting. On this fateful day, the theater happened to be pitch-black, so I turned on a flashlight after rearranging my belt to make sure my fat ass hit cushion and not ground.
A few minutes later, an old woman in my row walks out. About an hour after that, two cops roll in and take me outside. Turns out, the biddy saw me fooling around with something around my waist, was startled by the flashlight — so much that she didn’t know what it was — and figured better safe than sorry: report someone who might pull another Aurora.
You think my weed-friendly New York audience would’ve overreacted like that?
Would that same woman snitch on the aforementioned east coast tokers?
Which world would you rather live in?
This shit just got real.