Tinkle(s) of the Week

For every Single(s) of the Week, there’s always even more Tinkles of the Week, in which musicians basically piss in our ears.

The whole point of my new posts dedicated to the former is to keep it:

But sometimes the aforementioned musical pees are so acidic that I feel a need to save my beloved readers from their disgusting experiences.

You’re welcome in advance:

I don’t mind her acting — last seen in this year’s movie Midnight Sun; I’m a fan of any schmaltzy romance that proudly owns its romantic schmaltz — but these two tracks are excruciatingly vapid. A lot of traditionalists turn up their noses at rappers lyrically inflating their egos, but deriding the commonality of a subject separate from its execution is moronic; that’d be like scorning Shakespeare for writing so many sonnets about love. Evaluating each example requires determining the inventiveness of the individual approaches…and there’s no creativity to be found here. But Bella’s failure as a rapper doesn’t mean she’s not a musician; I need to give Midnight Sun‘s soundtrack a listen to hear if she’s more comfortable in another genre.

My shameless love for Post Malone has been amply recorded. One of the many reasons I feel the need to specify that shamelessness: I’m well-aware of his range’s limitations. This track exemplifies how he’s best over simpler, more laid-back and breezier productions. Tiesto simply does too much here, sapping Malone of his signature mood that he apparently needs to thrive. Further proof to back up this theory: the song works best in the mellow, vocal-led transitions between drops.

As a 90s kid, I feel obligated to share the return of the Backstreets Boys…but I’m under no obligation to like this dreck. Why didn’t they stick with their boy band sound? I know, “artistic growth” and such. But mooching off the popular sound of today — pop EDM — feels more like a transparent attempt at looking hip than coming from a genuine place of legitimate artistry. Of course others can do it better than them! Now, if they had owned the nostalgia their fans associate them with by releasing a throwback record, this one may have been a Single—instead of a Tinkle — of the Week.

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