A Letter to the Editor

Amanda Chicago Lewis wrote an article worth reading for Rolling Stone about the vape pen phenomenon TAKING THE NATION BY STORM AND INFECTING POOR CHILDREN EVERYWHERE WITH LIFE-ENDING MARIJUANA RIGHT UNDER OUR VERY NOSES.

She obviously didn’t go that far, but based on the excerpts below, Lewis sounds kind of like a wannabe stoner talking about a subject she may not know from the inside out.

Well, that’s at least the belief of the hardcore stoner that sent in the following commentary on her “investigative reporting” (he insisted I put quotes around that phrase).

Copy-and-pasted lines from her piece are in italics, followed by his comments:

“I could sneak a few hits in the bathroom during a concert or comedy show, or quietly get high in the back of a bar.”

  • I don’t trust anyone who refuses to vape loud and proud in public.

“It was almost impossible to find a working phone number or email address for any of the nascent companies making cannabis oil in California.”

  • It almost seems like keeping a low profile is important to their business or something.

“I went to weed festivals like Chalice and High Times cups to try to talk to the people who made and sold this stuff for a living. While stoners waited in line for free dabs, I would make my way to the back of a booth and try to figure out who was in charge.”

  • A) Obvious first question: Where the hell can I attend a festival that doles out free dabs like Comic-Con swag? B) Another sign she’s a narc: She didn’t wait in line for some swag.

“It had all been made in roughly the same way, though – by stuffing the pot that was too moldy or ugly or weak to sell into steel tubes or PVC pipe.”

  • For a second there I thought it read “PCP pipe” and I got excited.

Mind-altering THC.”

  • Relax.

Most self-styled ‘extract artists’…

  • Heroes, lol.

“…were just doing this in their basements or backyards – a dangerous endeavor that’s led to hundreds of fires and explosions across the country.” 

  • Martyrs, no lol.

“A slab of bubbling oil that looked a lot like snot.”

  • Snot rhymes with pot hehe.

“These companies are doing their safety testing on the public and their loved ones.”

  • I feel very safe because of their product, so thank you.

“That being said, we have no idea how bad or how serious any of these health threats might be.”

  • Sounds good. Let’s keep it that way.

“All of the health data we have regarding the potentially dangerous byproducts of vaping relate to eating these chemicals.”

  • Wait does that work?!

“Heating them up with an electrical coil and taking them directly to the face.”

  • TO THE FACE!!!

“It’s possible that vaping known carcinogens is totally fine!”

  • I can testify to the fact that it’s more than fine.

“But the contents of vape cartridges are barely monitored in most states.”

  • No state-monitoring sounds good. Let’s keep it that way.

“So now, the really scary stuff.”

  • Wait, where was the not-really-scary-but-still-scary-stuff? Did I miss it?

At this point, there’s only anecdotal evidence about what these lung problems might look like, and how bad the consequences could be, but a lot of cannabis extraction companies now remove the cuticle waxes from their oil in a process called winterization.”

  • So then what’s the fucking problem?

“I still get asked by strangers whether I myself use the stuff. The truth is I do.”

  • Maybe I misunderstood her all along. Perhaps…she’s one of us? Just a slob like / one of us?

“I have a vape pen in my purse right now.”

  • Respect. I was wrong. I will defend her honor unto the grave.

“For a while, I tried to be vigilant.”

  • Been there, failed that.

“But at this point, I’m of the opinion that if vaping works for you, then fuck it. Certainly I am.

  • #TeamAmandaChicagoLewisForever

“Considering all that I know about what goes into the pens I see on the shelves at my local dispensary, that’s a little nuts.”

  • We need to be a little nuts in these nutty times.

“Then again, maybe this is all temporary. In a few years, we might have full legalization, input from federal agencies like the FDA and the EPA, and fully functioning regulatory systems that ensure safe vaping for all.”

  • Non-nutty times ahead. And I can’t think of a better captain to steer us into them than Amanda Chicago Lewis.

My only remaining gripe with her: it’s better for all involved if this pen-vaping stays under wraps to the masses. Public discretion is the name of the game, and I mean that in multiple ways.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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