This Week in Singles and Tinkles

Unfortunately, I cannot pronounce a Single nor a Tinkle of the Week.

Every release falls somewhere in the middle of these two polarities.

They are, in descending order of quality:


FLOOOOOOOOOOOOOW. I miss this brand of relentlessly-paced rap.


The sort of sonic experience we’ve all come to expect (and, for me, love, though I understand he ain’t everyone’s cup of tea) from Major Lazer.


Whisper-rap — an underrated art!


A great voice in search of her own sound, thus the reason she’s best as a feature on other people’s tracks who’ve already figured out their signatures.


Oh hey look it’s a collaboration between two of my biggest mainstream guilty pleasures! Both revel in enjoyably-smooth takes on lame commercial pop that make me roll my eyes while, embarrassingly, tapping my toes.


Obviously can’t compare to Fonsi’s “Despacito,” but it further cements Stefflon Don as a musical personality worth tracking.


Only one man can wreck Khalid’s current hot-streak — congratulations, Martin Garrix! To be honest, the song’s pretty harmless, with Garrix doing a lot less than his normal level of overproduced nonsense. To his credit, he barely gets in the way of Khalid’s vocals, which are — SHOCKER!!! — the best part. Even so, it’s Khalid’s worst release of 2018; did he really need another paycheck?


All Showtek and no Guetta makes Steven a happy boy…er, happier? It’s mostly bearable… listenable at best if you’re into this sort of thing. Personally, it reminds me of college, and who doesn’t like some recklessly-carefree nostalgia?


First Weezer, now Maroon 5. I guess it’s impressive that Adam Levine can so contort his immediately-recognizable voice to sound uncomfortably like Bob Marley…I just don’t understand why these carbon-copy covers even exist. Like, if nothing’s added to the originals, what’s the point? I guess it’s a nice gesture of tribute…but it’s not like these bands are using their platforms to spotlight deep cuts. Last time I checked, “Three Little Birds” still serves as the soundtrack to too many smoke sessions the world over.

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