Hollywooding & Jerking & Sniffling & Oscarmentarying

A Hollywood adaptation of Maiden will be greenlit in 3,2,1…

Or, would it be a streaming miniseries (sorry, do all the cool kids say “limited series”) nowadays?

In any case, the documentary poses a new wrinkle in my ever-expanding quest to nail down the differences between Tearjerkers and Snifflers; I’ve never considered the tears-of-joy side of this constructed binary! The established formula of sports movie (of which Maiden is my 2019 favorite) — triumphant perseverance in the face of insurmountable hurdles to overcome! — almost can’t help but trigger those waterworks. Whether these emotions are sincerely-earned or artificially-manipulated subjectively separates the snifflers from the tearjerkers.

To me, Maiden falls on the former, fortunate end of the spectrum.

Regardless: the “remake” could be positioned as an Oscar-Baity, Chariots of Fire-esque Best Picture contender.

Speaking of the Academy Awards, this version will vie to be shortlisted for Best Documentary. Its competition, so far (note: the following are predictions, NOT personal preferences):

The safest bet: Apollo 11.

The next safest: The Biggest Little Farm.

Another frontrunner, unless the delayed theatrical release makes it ineligible: They Shall Not Grow Old.

Already ruled out, due to an ill-advised qualifying run in late 2018: Amazing Grace.

If voters want to celebrity-fuck another music doc: Ron Howard’s Pavarotti (admittedly a long shot).

Another conventional(ish) bio-doc: Toni Morrison: The Pieces I Am (will there be enough moolah put behind the campaign?)

The celebrity-fuckiest musical choice (just look at the title!)…if it wasn’t Netflix: Rolling Thunder Revue: A Bob Dylan Story by Martin Scorsese (…but is it a documentary?!)

Ask the same of: Jean-Luc Godard’s The Image Book (a personal favorite of mine).

Another personal favorite: Black Mother (can it snag the artsy-fartsy slot, like last year’s Hale County This Morning, This Evening? As long as the shortlisters draw attention to it, the rest should be history.)

Am I overlooking anyone?

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