To Knicks, or Not to Knicks

That is the catch-22, Sisyphean, perpetually-doomed question.

With that being said…

Cue us up, Al!

Old Don Pacino’s appearance can only mean one thing: it’s Write All Nite’s annual trip to hell, AKA my seasonal diagnostic of the New York Knickerbockers.

Like my fellow Mecca-masochists, I swear off the crock-Bocks after every blowout loss and/or braindead move, AKA every time the Knicks, well, do anything.

And yet, despite all that, you know I’m a true orange-and-blue-and-pain lifer because I’m already starting to talk myself into trading for Russell Westbrook!

Before you laugh, have you looked at the bottom of the Eastern Conference recently?? Russy can definitely sneak us into the playoffs!!! (By the by, the Atlantic Division could be a murderers’ row next season (with the Knicks being the most commonly murdered), AKA the opposite of the NFL’s current NFC lEast).

And if Russy has another monster season, he could add another MVP trophy to his mantle, courtesy of that NYC spotlight!!!

Pop quiz: name the last Knick to take home the award. 

I’ll wait.

Exactly.

The answer: Willis Reed, in … 1970! My parents were … um … I believe teenagers at the time (you really think a son knows his progenitors’ birth years, let alone the actual date of their birthdays? C’mon).

In any case, I’d sign up for that! Witnessing an MVP season plus ONE playoff-series victory would be like White Manna from heaven for us ravaged, depleted, starving hoop-watchers. Like seriously, how many more years does Clyde have left? Let him go out with a Breeny-Bang!

And yes, I’m also aware that you’re in the midst of reading a classic case of Stockholm syndrome. “Don’t send my abuser to jail, judge! He promised he’d be better. And this time, the 49,363,930th time, it’ll be true, I just know it!! PLEASE GIVE HIM ONE MORE CHANCE!!!”

See you back here in Hades in 364 days.


Let’s end with an unfeasible idea with no real-world merit nor application (my specialty!). With no gate-receipt revenue-sharing in the near future, smaller-market teams will be hurting for dough, especially owners whose businesses have been blocked and/or blown-out by the Rona. What if my archnemesis offered a franchise like OKC one hundred million dollars to swap their entire rosters!!! That’s right, a wholesale trade that I’m sure is illegal according to NBA bylaws. But still! If the league’s trying to generate interest, safe to say such a transaction would dominate headlines for ages.

Now open up those endless coffers, Dr. Evil!

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