Not at the Table, Kermit!

We’ve gone over this before, but:

Am I the only person who thinks the “Jim Henson Pictures” logo makes it seem like Kermit’s stroking one out to the orgasmic glory of cinema?!

Behold (or, avert your eyes, depending on your feelings regarding animal pleasure):

Let’s Zapruder this ish.

First off, Kermit’s quite literally cranking it, and “it” sure looks phallic to me. The apparatus in his hand (flipper?) is literally called a Hand Crank (which apparatus am I referring to? Might it be a reproductive appendage?? Were the Muppets trying to reproduce their innuendo-laden television success on the big screen??? Too far?!?! Too much?!?!?! Welcome to Write All Nite!), and let’s consult Urban Dictionary for the slang definition of cranking.

After a few cranks, the combination of Kermit’s O-face and the O-noise he emits maybe definitely feels like a coming-to-fruition moment?? AND THEN, milliseconds later, what appears to be a shooting star — a bright white mass shooting cylindrically across the frame — passes directly through his genital region and proceeds to splooge all over the screen.

I hope you’ve enjoyed my magnum opus, and apologies for potentially forever tainting your wholesome childhood reminiscences.

What a way to start the week!

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