Who am I to tell Quentin Tarantino what to do?

Just a theatre geek with an idea for this preeminent Hollywooder.

In an interview with Bill Maher, QT revealed that he contemplated remaking Reservoir Dogs as his final film (what a bookend). The project’s been self-kiboshed, but allow me to suggest how it could be un-kiboshed, by merging the concept with another long-gestating Tarantino rumor:

Apparently his vaults contain an authored play waiting to be produced, not to mention his new plan to bring Once Upon a Time … in Hollywood to the Great White Way. I’m all for QT crashing the theatrical boards in whatever way he so choses, but maybe his premiere film is ripest for his theater premiere.

Don’t worry, I’m not suggesting that the Reservoir Dogs break out in song-and-dance (…I mean, unless that’s QT’s vision; the phrase “Reservoir Dogs musical” breaks my cranium, but a typical QT soundtrack would be musically sufficient in my book). And since screen-to-stage translations are all the commercial rage nowadays, why not merge the form with another uber-trendy genre: immersive theater!

Imagine this: QT rents out a dilapidated warehouse in Brooklyn (or Queens. or the Bronx), places seats all over the interior, and has the story unfold around the audience. Since a vast majority of the movie takes place in various parts of one setting anyways — would you look at that, it’s a warehouse! — it’d be easy enough to relocate the few exterior scenes with some nifty lighting and set design.

Obviously Lieutenant of Inishmore blood-splattering is a prerequisite.

Once this enterprise banks millions, maybe Jason Blum will finally finance my other moolah-rich concept: immersive horror theatre! Blumhouse could become theatre’s version of A24’s elevated prestige horror!