I’m well-aware that James Foley’s Fifty Shades Darker is objectively terrible, but that still doesn’t diminish the unspeakable joy I derive from sex-filled mainstream releases.

It’s sad that this sort of tame foreplay could possibly be considered transgressive by anyone; cunnilingus should be the norm on the big screen, not a special occasion that calls for a celebration!

But until that day cums (sorry, had to do it), I shall keep throwing a party in response to its appearance on silver screens nationwide.